Dear Marie, Fergus and Paul:

It is without sincere regret that I must inform you that your employment with DAVID™ as Logistics/Support/Strategy Technicians will be terminated immediately.

Due to gross incompetence and failure to meet key objectives your services are no longer required.

We here at DAVID™, feel that you were afforded time and opportunity to meet these key objectives.

The DAVID™ brand as a result has been damaged and there may be recourse to pursue compensation at the discretion of our legal team.

Per the terms of your contract agreement we have arranged a severance package, you will be paid one weeks pay (€0) for every month you worked over twelve months with DAVID™.

Due to your lack of qualifications and abilities I doubt you will find future employment so you will not be requiring the letter of recommendation that I will not be writing.

Yours sincerely,

David Walsh

PS – thanks guys 🙂


3 thoughts on “severance

  1. Pingback: in all seriousness // The Other Black Stuff

  2. Fergus says:

    Dear David,

    I am writing to you with heavy heart to inform you that I must reject your most generous severance deal as I feel I have no alternative but to hereby tender my resignation from DAVID™.

    It has been a great honour to work under your leadership for the past few years and it has been a joy to see you strive for innovation. There has always been a fine line between genius and madness and for years you managed to walk that line with aplomb. That was until last Thursday. On Wednesday, you successfully pitched DAVID™’s wares as carefully planned and choreographed over several strategy meetings. I hope you can imagine the shock and horror I felt when you decided the following day to release upon the world, unilaterally and without warning, your latest “innovation”: the cupless cappuccino. That for me was the point at which you crossed over that line and I fear there is no return.

    I do hope I am wrong and perhaps I am being short-sighted and you can label me a tradionalist or a luddite but I can’t help but feel that every cappuccino needs a cup – or indeed any form of receptacle.

    I wish you and DAVID™ every success in the future.
    Fergus Moloney
    Former DAVID™ Dogsbody #2

    PS – you’re welcome 🙂

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